Heart-Felt

“Ask your heart what it truly wants – and listen when it tells you the answer.” Barbara Sher

When was the last time you asked yourself, “What do I truly need? And what do I really want?”

For many of us, acknowledging what we need and want is a major challenge. For any number of reasons, we can’t or won’t allow ourselves to put ourselves first. And yet identifying our needs and wants is an important step in understanding our priorities and making informed decisions about our lives:

• Being clear on your needs helps you be accountable for taking action in areas of your life that truly matter, for example, maintaining health or career development.
• Acknowledging your wants without feeling guilty gives you the freedom to pursue enjoyment, but it also encourages you to make mindful choices rather than impulsive decisions.

In essence, identifying your needs and wants helps you live a more balanced, intentional, and sustainable life. It empowers you to make decisions that align with your present circumstances and ensures your long-term wellbeing, rather than being driven by fleeting desires or external pressures.

“To get what you want out of life, you’d better be clear about what you want.” Ernie J. Zelinski

So let’s start by defining these two terms.

A need is something you must have, something you can’t do without, things that are essential for survival, health, and security, for example, food, clothing, and shelter. These are non-negotiable in terms of sustaining your wellbeing. There are also needs that might be important for you to function as a member of society such as reliable transportation, affordable health insurance, or childcare. Needs tend to be consistent and long-lasting.

In addition, over and above basic survival needs, we each have a unique set of personal needs that must be met in order for us to thrive and to be at our best. Some examples of personal needs include accomplishment, connection, independence, intellectual stimulation, or solitude.

A want is something that you’d like to have, something that you desire, but you could probably live without, things that enhance your life but aren’t essential for survival. Some examples of wants are going back to school to start, continue, or finish your education, or learning to play a musical instrument.

Wants are often temporary and based on trends, emotions, or specific desires or circumstances that can change over time. These are things that temporarily satisfy you but don’t necessarily contribute to your long-term happiness or wellbeing.

When identifying your needs and wants, there are three basic questions you can ask yourself:

1. Can I live without this? If the answer is “no,” it’s likely a need. Otherwise, it’s a want.
2. Does this serve a basic function (health, safety, survival)? If it does, it’s likely a need. Otherwise it’s a want.
3. Would I be okay without it for a while? If yes, it’s probably a want. Otherwise it’s a need.

“The only opinion, in all of the Universe, that is of true importance to you is your own.” Abraham Hicks

When identifying your needs and wants, there is one BIG (I’d go so far as to say non-negotiable) caveat: It’s essential that you remember this is about YOU—not what you think others think should be your needs and wants.

A good example is music. You don’t “need” music to meet a basic survival function. However, for you, perhaps music is a need because it brings you personal satisfaction and is essential for you to thrive.

In addition, understanding your own needs and wants – and why you need and want them – allows you to communicate them more effectively with others. It’s easier to express what’s truly important to you, whether it’s emotional support, respect, or time alone.

“You must learn to respect the wisdom of your natural instincts, because they are probably superb when it comes to weaving everything you need into your life.” Barbara Sher

Remember, only you can know what you truly need and want your life to include and what you’re willing to do to meet your needs and wants!